Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
