You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
