The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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