I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
