I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
