That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
