if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
look no pants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
