all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
