ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
