good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
