remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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