i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
