He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
