Got a toothbrush?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
