i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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