If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
