Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
