honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
