sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
