Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
