Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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