Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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