when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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