Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
