bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
