So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
