I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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