It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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