Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..

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(732): View more from New Jersey

His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine

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(845): View more from New York

She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

(1-845): View more from New York

she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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(682): View more from Texas

Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"

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(258): View more from

I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...

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(317): View more from Indiana

They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.

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