I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
