too bad you live with your parents still
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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