I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
