good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
COCAINE IS GR8
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
