so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
