Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
