his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
