I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize