are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
