Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
