Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize