It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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