he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
