Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
