Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I smell like Dick and happiness
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
