i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
