I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
