Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
