i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
