He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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