You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
