dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He passed out mid-signature
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I smell like Dick and happiness
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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