Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
