I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
