i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I believe in your delicious
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
