why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
