I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize