I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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