i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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