just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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