i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
