I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
