Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
