u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
