I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
