i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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