you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize