I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
