I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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