Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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