Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
