My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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