I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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