i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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