Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
