He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
