I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize