he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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